Whaley Bridge Parish
February 13th, 2022
Christian marriage
Come to a wedding, come to a blessing, come to a day when happiness sings.
Steve and I have known Mia since we met her in her pram at our local church twenty-nine years ago. So when we heard she and Zak were getting married we were very excited. Matt who used to lead the church choir had written some special music and some of us formed a scratch choir to sing it. The walls of the village church vibrated with the sound of our singing. The welling up of joy in Zak and Mia as they made their vows in the presence of God rippled through the congregation. And then we poured out of church down the lane to the beach where a lovely marquee had gone up next to the family beach hut. There was laughter and feasting, speeches and tears, sunshine and dancing. Most of us stayed over in camper vans and tents and let the celebrations continue the next day. I remember it as a day of abundant joy, a glimpse of heaven. It was hard to leave and go back to everyday life again. We left feeling that we had shared in deep blessing. It was a day when happiness sang.
I met Hilda and Harry when I ministered on a council Estate in North Sheffield. They were both widowed in had found each other at our church lunch club and became the answer to one another’s loneliness. They laughed at me when I asked them if they had thought about getting married. Don’t be daft, they said. We re too old! Look at you, I said. You love each other. You’re committed to each other. Marriage is simply about seeking God’s blessing upon your love and commitment. They didn’t take too much persuading. Hilda and Harry made their vows to one another with a few friends and family at St Leonards’ church and then adjourned to the local pub. That was another day of blessing shared, another day when happiness sang.
Welcoming couples to celebrate their marriage is an important part of our ministry as a parish church, so it’s great to be able to welcome those who are starting to looking forward to beginning their married life here in St James. Marriage is also something that some of us are thinking about at them moment as we are halfway through our “Living in Love and Faith” Course, which is helping us reflect on the changing picture of relationships in British society and to reflect on how the church can respond.
One change is that fewer people are choosing to get married: almost 75% fewer in the last fifty years – that’s a huge change. Cohabitation has increased considerably, with 48% of children now being born outside of marriage. In 2019 there were also 212 000 same sex couples in the UK, of whom about half were either married or in civil partnerships. We get married older - The average age of marring has gone up to 35 for women and 38 for men. So lots of changes. And of course, of those who do marry, church is only one of many options. When couples make a positive choice to marry on church they are, in many ways, going against the flow of culture. It’s a brave and brilliant choice!
Because what we offer with marriage in church is so much more than a beautiful venue Yes, St James is gorgeous church in an amazing location. Yes we have organ music and bells to stir the soul, we have stone walls soaked with centuries of prayer, we have a marriage service the words of which are both poetic and moving and yet down to earth and real. We have powerful symbols within the service such as “tying the knot”. This is the moment after the exchange of rings when the priest wraps the right hands of bride and groom together in the stole with the words “those whom God has joined together, let no-one put asunder.” - I always find this a moving and powerful moment.
All this is part of our offer. And yet there’s more, and what is more is a vision for life in relationship. “I come that you may have life” says Jesus and have it to the full.” Fullness of life means a life lived well in relationship. Whether we are married or single, whether we are widowed or divorced, Jesus offers us a vision of what it is to live in relationship with the other human beings with whom we share our home, our bed, our neighbourhood, our planet. Whoever we are wherever we are, Jesus offers us a vision of what it is to live well in relationship to our God. Jesus offers us a vision of what it is to live well, at peace with our deepest selves. And these three parts of the vision – God, other people. ourselves – are all wrapped up together.
In South Africa there is a word “ubuntu” which means: I am, because you are.” It is a deeply Christian idea. We cannot be separate people – we are made for relationship with one another. None of us are islands – we are all part of the mainland. The Christian vision is of our belonging with one another, of a humanity that holds out our hands to one another, and of a God who holds out his hands for us. “As the Father has loved me, says Jesus, so I have loved you. Abide in my love.” “Love one another. “
This is the call for all of us: to love one another. And of course this isn’t simply about marriage: marriage is not the only way of living a good, loving, faithful and fulfilled life. The Bible has good things to say about being single, and how single people can be a source of love and blessing to others. And yet marriage is one special expression of living the love of God.
When the biblical writers were searching around for a way of talking about how closely united he is to his people they used the picture language of marriage – Jesus Christ the bridegroom and his people the church the bride. We talk about marriage as a union, a coming together of husband and wife, and we talk in church about communion, God coming to be united with his people in love.
Jesus often spoke about losing ourselves to find ourselves, and there is something about this in the intimacy of love with a marriage partner. We lose ourselves in love of the other person, we let go of our separateness and in that very letting go into the risk of loving, we discover something new about ourself. As our relationship unfolds over the years we may find love taking us to places we didn’t quite expect to be.
Mike certainly didn’t expect ill health retirement in his mid-fifties. We’ve known Debbie and Mike through the thirty -odd years of their marriage. It hasn’t been easy though: Mike was diagnosed with major mental health problems after the children were born, and married life become such a struggle that they separated for a while a decade or so ago. They were committed to the marriage vows they had made, though, to be for one another in sickness and in health. They kept on working at their relationship and after some months apart Mike moved back in. Mike’s difficulties meant his call to ordination didn’t work out, and now he and Debbie are coping with his deafness on top of his mental health. Some days happiness still sings, and some days have a different, more melancholy kind of song. Some days are very hard, yet they keep on loving and cherishing each other and they still make each other laugh. This love is tough and real and makes me feel humbled. It gives me a window onto the love of God, patient, kind, and utterly persistent.
Let us love one another. And let us pray for all those to be married in our parish church this year: Jay and Summer, Sam and Laura, James and Leanne, William and Adele. May the love of God in Christ fill their hearts and their lives, and may that same love overflow into the lives of their family and friends and neighbours.
Amen.